Wednesday, August 12, 2009


My cell phone buzzed at exactly 12:00 midnight, I believe it is the darkest side of the night where the vampires are thirsty sucking bloods.oh, I have a hung-over about the Twilight Saga movie (lol). The buzzes remind me to wake up and prepare to go to work. I find it hard to open my eyes. My body is timid to move. I want to sleep more but I have to discipline myself to get out of bed or my career will be in kaput.

Every time I wake-up I have to remind myself that I have kids to support. I have children who look up at me. That gives me the stamina to keep on going with my same pattern of routine everyday thou my body is weak. The spirit is strong. I keep on reminding myself, I can survive, like the song I Will Survive. Or I would say to God, Lord dont reject me and Ill be okay.

I have been working so hard I believe since time immemorial (just kidding) that I often negate myself. I am not a good sleeper, in short, I am an insomniac. This has been my prevailing problem when I felt that I married the wrong guy and difficult to find a way out. Wish sometimes there is a divorce in Philippines but I know its hard to legalize a law such as this since we are a highly catholic country and we value the sanctity of marriage. Marry in haste and repent later.

Negating my self resulted to my hospitalization for 7 days last June due to pneumonia. I thought that would I die. I was so weak. The only weapon I have when my body was injected with high dosage of antibiotics was determination to surmount the ordeal. The determination to live because of my kids. I told God that my destiny is not yet on the end and to give me more years to live until I have provided all I that I need to give to my children then I am ready to be back in my proper order- to dust I shall return. Then, after four (4) days of reporting to work, I got sick again. The left side of body was too painful to move. The prognosis was that my kidney was affected by antibiotics. I prayed so hard that miracle would happen to be. I believe always that prayer can do more miracle to me than the power of medicines. I am back now in my good health.

I am a quiet person. I really dont speak much but I am headstrong. I may have regrets of the wrong decision in the past but I am not bitter. It is useless looking back in retrospection. I have to move on.

I have so many ups and downs in my life but I almost surpass them. Thanks for so many of my friends who share with my pains, tears, joy, happiness and most of them their understandings. I love being a working mom. It teaches me to manage my time and money. I gained myriads of experience to deal with clients, working with the grassroots level and a call center job is a new journey. Yet, I wish to resign from call center job soon where I could just dedicate my time with my children. I am their tutelary.